At Whitney Houston’s funeral, Actor Kevin Costner said at “The Bodyguard” audition, she didn’t feel that she was good enough and/or pretty enough to get the part. He said because of her insecurity regarding her looks that she went in the back and put on more make-up and that it smeared down her face because of the hot lights.
And since her death, some people have been talking about how could such a talented, beautiful woman be insecure about who she was?
Let me speak from the perspective of an African-American woman. It is very easy to either live in that vein of insecurity or visit there from time to time. You see from the time that we enter the world the media and sometimes our community bombards us with images, comments, etc. that we either don’t have the ideal hair texture, skin tone or body type.
And when we wear make-up, different hair styles, etc. we are deemed as fake or insecure, while other cultures can freely experiment without judgement.
You see, we are taught someone else’s version of beauty is the best and it takes a lot of internal detoxing to get rid of these demons.
I realized that I still had issues a few years ago. My friend, Barbara Holt Streeter started a wonderful business, The PR and Protocol Group (www.prandprotocol.com) that includes apparel and accessories that empowers, educates and equips girls and women. And she gave me one of her “I Am Validated” t-shirts as a birthday gift.
I lifted the shirt out of the gift bag and read the inscription, “You Are Beautiful.” I was excited for the gift but cringed on the inside because of the words.
I told her, “You are trying to get me beat up. I can’t wear that shirt.” She laughed and told me that I was beautiful from the inside out. And I repeated, “I can’t wear it.”
We laughed it off but I was serious. You see throughout my life, especially when I was a girl, I have been bullied or treated wrong because people thought that I thought I was cute. They were judging me without getting to know me but humans sometimes do that. And the inscription took me back to that place.
Yes, I’ve seen other girls/women wear that t-shirt with pride? But I couldn’t because of the internal scars that still existed.
Thank you Barbara because that t-shirt confrontation reminded me that I still had issues and it allowed me to push past the internal demons to outwardly express the real me. And Costner’s comments at Houston’s funeral about her struggle encouraged me to write this blog so that someone else will start loving themselves from the inside out.
Thank you God for loving me and by me loving you I can love myself (from the inside out).
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